15-year-old refuses to answer normal questions his 21-year-old brother asks because he thinks he'll use his answers against him: 'If he asks where I am going when I go out, I don’t tell him. If he asks me what I'm cooking, I don't tell him'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 27, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It can be challenging to trust teens' perspectives on their situations. Saying that out loud makes me feel like a grouchy old man who can't remember what it's like to be a teenager, but that's just the thing: I remember exactly what it was like, and I wouldn't say I was always the most reliable narrator about the things that were happening in my day-to-day life. I tended towards paranoia, thinking that everyone was out to get me. I felt that unless I acted in a particular way, everything would go awry. That doesn't mean there weren't dysfunctional things happening in my day-to-day life, but they definitely weren't as extreme as I experienced them in the moment. 

It's easy to dismiss your past teenage self as overly emotional and dramatic, but being a kid is not easy. Just because adults think teenage emotions are silly does not make them any less real. Teens feel so deeply, and no amount of dismissal or rolling your eyes at them will change their unstable emotional state. You need to meet them where they're at, because they deserve the same amount of respect and consideration that an adult would get, even if they aren't as mature as an adult. 

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    via mehrab zahedbeigi

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  • The teenager in this story needs a little tough love, and the internet is willing to give it to him. He ignores his brother because he doesn't think he deserves to know details about his life, and it's making their relationship incredibly fraught.

  • Am I the bad guy for not sharing stuff about my life with my brother?

    I (15M) and my brother (around 21M) have been normal siblings for most of our lives. We argue every once in a while. But not really heated arguments And they just breeze over after a while. But there is something about me that he hates (and other people. probably would too if they lived with me) it's that i never talk. about myself. Like if he asks
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • where i am going when i go out I don't tell him. If he asks what game i am downloading I don't tell him. If he asks what i am cooking I don't tell him,etc.... But my mindset is that if it won't make any difference to you then it isn't important to know. And i do share stuff if it actually makes a difference to him. But if it won't
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • Man in black crew neck shirt wearing black framed eyeglasses looking at camera inquisitively
    via Usman Yousaf

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • make any difference to you then it isn't important to know. And i do share stuff if it actually makes a difference to him. But if it won't then I don't. And i barley know anything about him either. And i never ask too. He probably won't mind sharing but i just feel
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • annoying if i ask him stuff like who are your friends (he knows basically all of my friends) or comment on something he says while in a call (sometimes i hear some weird stuff. But i never comment on it nor judge)
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • Sometimes he gets mad when I don't share stuff but as i said it breezes over after a while. But around a week ago. He asked why I increased the internet (context:where i live internet is limited per month and you can increase it by paying money which is annoying but that's another topic) I told him it is so i
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • download something. Then he asked what will I download I remember that i told him a game. Then he asked what and i told him I don't know yet (at the time i had some ideas but I wasn't completely sure). And that's when the conversation should've ended right? Nope. He asked again and
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • White ethernet switch
    via Thomas Jensen

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • if i had any idea at-least I didn't really respond. But after he asked again i told him the name of a game that isn't really big in size and i thought about downloading. THEN HE ASKED WHAT ELSE. And i just told him no. Then he said that it IS going to make a difference to him because he might play it or something.
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • My mindset at that point was just that I don't tell him the game that i kinda thought about (a 100gb game) because i know it is a game he doesn't care about as he told me that before. And it's a big game so he will judge me or tell
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • me not to download or something So i thought it wasn't necessary And i also i feel like i am being interviewed whenever someone keeps asking me questions. Other than i am scared to share.It's annoying to me too
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • Tldr of the whole post;I don't share anything about my life with my brother because i am afraid of being judged or made fun of or being perceived differently. But now he straight up ignores me all the time and never responds when i try to talk to him And also didn't respond to my apology online nor irl where i explained
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • why i do this to him and said i will try to stop and am sorry. even tho we live in the same room and we have stuff that we were doing together before all this. So am i the a-he? Or what. And also is there anything i can do to fix this? If there is any subreddit that gives good advice. I would appreciate if anyone tell it to me
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • Only-Breadfruit-6108 YTA. He's trying to show you he cares and he's interested and you're being obstinate on purpose. Finding out basic information shouldn't be like playing 20 questions. Getting an answer from you is like pulling teeth. You're painful, and I get that you don't
    via u/Only-Breadfruit-6108
  • think it matters but please just know that it does. You don't have to get it but it matters. All you're doing is driving people away, as you're already starting to see. Please think twice before you keep this up, or it will be a very lonely life
    via u/Only-Breadfruit-6108
  • OkConfection 1876 OP As i said. I will try to stop or even lower it. It will probably be hard. But i will try
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • amore-7 YTA - and sound exhausting to be around. People ask things because they want a relationship with you, not because it 'makes a difference' to them. Don't be surprised if you have no long term friendships or relationships with that attitude.
    via u/amore-7
  • OkConfection 1876 OP Yea you are most probably right. I should definitely try to work on that. My problem is that they might use it against me or think of it when they think of me something I am definitely overthinking it. But that's just how i am i guess
    via u/OkConfection1876
  • Sorry_I_Guess It sounds like you need therapy. This isn't just about being an AH, it's a very unhealthy way of thinking that's going to interfere with your ability to have healthy, meaningful relationships as you get older, and probably already is.
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
  • Being so paranoid and controlling about every piece of information about yourself -especially for baseless, irrational reasons - is off-putting to people who want to get to know you. And ironically, considering how worried you are about what people will think of you, this behaviour is likely to really put people off. It's unfriendly at best, and notably odd at worst. Literally nobody listens to the day-to-day doings of a 14-year-old and thinks about using it against them. That's not a real thing
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
  • I suggest that you talk to your parents or a school counsellor about getting some help, so you can get to the bottom of why you are fixated on these things that are interfering with your ability to have normal, healthy conversations and exchanges of information with the people close to you.
    via u/Sorry_I_Guess
  • sleepy_brain_333 Yeah you definitely have some kind of weird paranoia going on. Also very main character syndrome. Real people in real life don't have enemies and noone is plotting their doom or going out of their way to remember stuff they said to use against them.
    via u/sleepy_brain_333
  • Twinklelicious YTA. Your brother isn't asking about your life because he needs every detail, he's asking because that's how people connect. When you constantly shut him down, it comes off as rode and dismissive. Imagine how it feels to live with someone who never shares anything about themselves, it makes them feel like you don't trust or care about them.
    via u/Twinklelicious
  • M3rcury21 Very light YTA. Respect that you have/want boundaries, but reality and human interaction requires conversation above 'what impacts somebody's life'. It would be useful for your social and conversational skills to improve the 'casual chatting'. He doesn't need to know everything, and you don't need to tell him everything, but I think a bit more give from you would help. Consider this; flip your perspective of 'if it won't impact him he doesn't need to know' and consider 'if you tell him
    via u/M3rcury21

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